2008 - 2009

It seems it is time to do a little year-end self reflection.

Thanks to Keris Stainton, who somehow found me on Goodreads, for the inspiration. I like this because it is simple. Just three questions!

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2008?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

I created a new person this year, and she's wonderful! Adding her joyful spirit to my life and our family has absolutely been the high point of the year. The lowest point has been the challenge of my back problem, which was so severe over the summer I could not lift Abby or stand or sit for nearly 2 weeks. I was very scared by being so incapacitated, and it put a great deal of stress on myself and my family for a long time this year. I am proud of myself for managing to make significant efforts to heal my back, even as I went back to work part-time in the fall, and for all of the swimming and physical therapy I have made time for, even when I didn't know where it would come from!

Brave choices? Hiring a babysitter without being able to meet her first! She was out of town and we spoke by phone. When she returned from CA I found out I had made a fabulous choice. It was brave but my gut was right on. And she has become an essential part of making me feel confident that Abby (and Mike!) is well cared for while I am working.

I think I made some brave choices at the beginning of the year around Abby's feeding issues too. That was a really hard time. I cried nearly the whole weekend Abby and I spent back in the hospital, trying to combat her dehydration and jaundice. I tried so hard to live up to my expectations - pumped as long as I could and then made the tough choice to give up breastfeeding, which was clearly the right one for all of us! Then three months later I faced another feeding challenge and changed pediatricians as a result. And I ended up finding my own solution to what she needed (blending different formulas until she was satisfied). Again, I followed my gut. I am proud of figuring out what Abby needed, not following the canned advice from books or doctors.

2. What is there to grieve about 2008?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

I think I grieved for months over not being able to breastfeed Abby. It seems a little silly now, but it consumed me. She's so happy and healthy now. Her colic was also scary and quite exhausting. Dealing with Jake's initial disappointment in the big brother role and missing of my time and attention early in the year was hard. Actually, putting Jake in school all day, while it's been much easier in many ways, has been hard emotionally on me. He's clearly thriving, but I miss him!

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

Okay, the next step is to say out loud, "I declare 2008 complete!" How do you feel? If you don't feel quite right, there might be one more thing to say...

2008 was the year I completed our family. My babymaking years are now over. And we spent this year learning how to become a family of four. Now we get to concentrate on raising these kids and making this a great family, one that supports and stimulates all its members into being their best selves.

I declare 2008 complete. It feels just fine.

The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2009? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership?
Stand up and say it proud, "2009 is my year of...."

2009 is my year of fun and joy! Now that our budding toddler is showing us she will soon no longer be a baby, and my back is healing, we can start doing more, and enjoying more with a more flexible schedule. When Abby starts to really walk we'll be less stroller bound, and that will be great. I also want to use our babysitter more to help Mike and me go out and have more fun as a couple. Concerts, plays, nice meals, etc. In terms of work, I want to keep focused on the large projects and not get distracted by small things that end up being a drain. Do fewer things, but do them well, and enjoy the rest of my time with with family. This applies to the house and our possessions too - fewer things! We need to purge all the stuff from babymaking and former versions of ourselves, to streamline so that our time can be spent on activities, not things, that bring us joy.